
THE SOUL OF SELLING
How to Achieve Extraordinary Results
with Remarkable Ease
(and not lose your soul in the process)
by
Carol Costello
Copyright © 2005 by Carol Costello All rights reserved
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Murray Thompson, Ph.D., Consultant to Fortune 100 companies
Introduction
Part 1
The Soul of Selling: How and Why It Works
1. The Magic Bullet: Why The Soul of Selling Works, Every Time
2. How the 6 Steps Work: Passing the Cosmic Hors D’Oeuvres Tray
3. What You Get (and what it costs)
4. The Discomfort Dilemma: Why We Want to Stop, and How to Keep
Going with Ease
Part 2
Your 6 Steps: Making The Soul of Selling Your Own
5. Step 1. Put Down Your Baggage (and fix what you can)
6. Step 2. Pinpoint Your Passions
7. Step 3. Create your Speaking Bank
8. Step 4. Promise Your Result
9. Step 5. Conduct the 10-Touchstone Honoring Sales Conversation
10. Step 6. Keep Going Until You Get the Result
Part 3
Taking Charge:
Becoming the Source of Your Own Success
11. Mastery: Owning Your Sales World
12. Generosity of Spirit: Giving and Receiving Support
13. The Soul of Selling as Personal Growth: Becoming the Person
You’ve Always Wanted To Be
14. Your Soul of Selling Synergy Group
CHAPTER 1
THE MAGIC BULLET:
Why The Soul of Selling Works
—Every Time
What if you could guarantee the exact sales results you wanted, every time?
What if you also knew that you were acting with integrity, that you were
honoring and appreciating each person with whom you spoke—whether or
not they bought? And what if, on top of that, you got genuine pleasure from
selling, and even began to relax into doing it with ease?
The Soul of Selling offers you exactly that. You get extraordinary results, and
thrive because you are feeding your soul with personal values, higher purpose, and
meaningful contribution.
You are being good, and doing well. This is the “magic bullet” everyone wants.
You get people on board with your product, service, project, or vision, while growing
into the person you’ve always wanted to be.
The Soul of Selling is a new paradigm for sales. It invites you to shift how you
see “selling,” to think of it not as pushing, manipulating, conning, or pressuring—but as a
way of contributing to life and feeding your soul. You become a stand for something that
you find valuable, and serve others by offering it to them in a respectful, honoring way.
When you see selling as service, you are free to go all out. You can bring yourself 100%
to the task, and that makes everything easier and more fun.
The six steps of The Soul of Selling guide you through this process, so that you
sell with mastery, grace, and the results of your choice. Your inspiration comes from
within, from your own core values, and so you can renew it, reignite it, or realign it at
will. You act with integrity, out of your own natural capacity to inspire. You can finally
be yourself, get great results, and feel good about how you get them.
You do not have to be a natural seller, or an experienced seller, to succeed with
this method. Selling is an acquired skill. I am not a natural seller. I developed The Soul of
Selling out of my own desire to make the things that I loved available to more people,
and at the same time to succeed in the world, act with integrity, and feed my soul. All you
have to do to succeed with this method is follow the six steps. Whatever your dreams,
your visions, or your goals, The Soul of Selling will help you step up to the plate and
make them real.
THE FOURFOLD GUARANTEE
The Soul of Selling offers you a Fourfold Guarantee for Results, Integrity,
Passion, and Ease. When you can make that guarantee, selling is sweet. (And R-I-P-E!)
You take the guesswork out of results, and the stress out of selling. Each time you begin a
selling project, you know that you can guarantee:
1. Results. You get precisely the sales numbers you choose, every time.
2. Integrity. Everyone you contact is respected, appreciated, and honored—
whether or not they buy. You can trust yourself never to con, bully, or
otherwise manipulate your customers, your product or service, or yourself.
3. Passion. You find a new energy based on what you truly value. Your unique
brand of enthusiasm comes to the surface, and makes selling fun .
4. Ease. You can relax. You don’t have to second- guess yourself, your methods,
or your motives. You can just follow the six steps, be yourself, and enjoy both
the process and the outcome.
The Fourfold Guarantee works for professional salespeople, entrepreneurs, first time
sellers, small business owners, bake sale chairs, fundraisers, multi- level marketers,
community leaders, individuals with professional practices, and anyone who wants to
inspire others to support their product, service, project or vision.
WHY IS IT “THE SOUL OF SELLING?”
“Soul” is the part of us that craves higher purpose, authentic relationship, and
meaningful contribution. Webster’s calls it “the seat of real life or vitality; the source of
action; the animating or essential part; the moving spirit, the heart.”
“Selling” is simply offering your product or vision in such a clear and inviting
way that people see value in it for themselves and get on board. Selling might mean
offering a computer or insurance plan in the marketplace. It might mean lining up people
for a carwash on Saturday, or collecting money for the kids’ baseball uniforms, or
inviting people to join a book group. It might mean inspiring people to be part of a
program to end hunger in the world, or to support world peace.
The Soul of Selling is based on three principles:
1. We all want to have a positive impact on our world. You might want to be the
top software salesperson in your company, or help win an election, or
spearhead an environmental cause. When you know how to “sell” these things
in a way that gets results every time, you have the power to change your
world.
2. We all want to nourish our souls. We want to be good people who act with
integrity and contribute to others. We want to feel good about who we are and
what we do.
3. We don’t have to choose between these two desires. We can combine doing
well and feeling good. Being an impact person who gets results does not mean
you can’t also be a good person who supports others. And being a good
person does not mean you can’t have a powerful impact on the world. In fact,
a person of compassion, purpose, and vision can do far more good if he or she
also has the power to make things happen. A person who already has the
power to make things happen can last longer and stay happier when he or she
brings heart, soul, and meaning to those results.
Our cultural and corporate values are shifting toward “soul.” For those of us who
sell, this means combining big results with self-esteem, higher purpose, growth,
contribution, and authentic personal values. It means finding a way to be successful,
satisfied, and congruent—a way to honor both ourselves and others as we put our
product, service, or vision on the map.
The Soul of Selling gives the quest for the bottom line a moral compass, and
shows us how to navigate the new landscape where results and values not only can meet,
but must meet.
The six steps are your handrails. They guide you down the path to becoming an
amalgam of strength and contribution, of capacity and compassion, of steady will and
generosity of spirit. They call forth your ability to produce extraordinary results, and to
do so with meaning, integrity, and ease. They foster genuine enthusiasm for sharing what
you find valuable, and ask you to be the source of respectful, empowering relationships.
They show you how to honor your core values, see your lessons, make gracious course
corrections, become a stand for your visions, and still get extraordinary sales results. You
have the tools to be a force of nature—a force for good.
A SIMPLE, ELEGANT ANSWER
I grappled with how to sell big without selling out for twenty-five years, while
acting as Director of Sales for three start-up companies that are still thriving today. I
stepped into every pothole out there, climbed out, dusted myself off, and figured out what
I could have done to avoid that pothole.
Finally, I had a map of where the potholes were. I found a way to sell exactly
what I promised, and also to know in my bones that everyone I contacted was better off
than they had been before we talked. I learned how to inspire myself, and keep that
inspiration fresh and authentic. I could finally relax and enjoy some peace and ease in
selling, as well as great results. I could take pride in what I did, and how I did it. I could
enjoy the fruits of being a big seller, and at the same time let it shape me into the person
I’d always wanted to be.
For a secretly shy person who wanted both to contribute and to succeed in the
world, this was heaven. I saw that selling could be a high calling. It takes courage, grit,
and a spark that we want to share with others. People who sell deserve all the support and
encouragement they can get. I wanted to be on their team.
I broke down what I was doing into the six steps of The Soul of Selling, and
started telling people about it. Soon I was teaching a seminar on this approach for people
ranged from top professionals who sold millions of dollars a year, to people who had just
taken charge of their first church garage sale. Experienced professionals and rank
amateurs, corporate big shots and fledgling solo practitioners, people who sold products
and those who sold services all reported the same outcomes:
1. Whatever their results had been, they get better. They sold more, in less time, with
less effort.
2. They enjoyed selling more, and did it with more ease—avoiding burnout and
turnover.
3. They took greater pride in what they did, because selling became service.
4. They had a technology that let them repeat their success, and kept them thriving.
WE’RE A SELLING SPECIES
Most of us sell every day of our lives—whether or not we know it, and whether or
not we call our job “sales.” We can’t help ourselves. When we human beings find
something that is fun or valuable, we can’t keep our mouths shut. We want to share it
with the world, or at least a few friends. We want to scoop people up and get them on
board, whether it’s asking them to “buy” into a:
· Widget
· Professional service
· Multi- million dollar contract
· Friday night dinner party
· Insurance policy
· Worthy cause
· Class or seminar
· Better results on a customer service team
· Real estate consortium
· Local park clean-up
When you know how to make these invitations with grace, and mastery, life is
easier and more pleasant. When you also know how to get the results you want, life is
more rewarding. It doesn’t matter whether you’re motivated by love, power, generosity,
profit, altruism, or any combination of the above. It’s great to be comfortable with
offering people something you’ve found valuable—and confident that you can talk about
it in such a clear and inviting way that they see a piece of it for themselves and get on
board.
THE RUBBER AND THE ROAD
Life will always hand us opportunities to “sell.” The only questions are:
1. Will we have fun, or get cranky?
2. Will we contribute, or waste energy complaining that selling is difficult and
demeaning?
3. Will we succeed, or will we fail?
This is where the rubber hits the road. At some point, we have to bring the
conversation around to results, to specific outcomes and numbers. How much did you
actually make in commissions last year? Did you, or did you not, get the contract? How
many new clients did you bring in last month, and is that enough to pay the bills? Are
people coming to the dinner party, or will we be going out for fried chicken? Will we
build the new church, or not? Will what you’re selling in multi- level marketing allow you
to quit your job, or do you need to sell more? Exactly how much more?
In my sales seminars, this is the point where everybody’s stomach tightens up.
Their eyes narrow, their faces freeze, and I can see the balloons forming above their
heads: Sleazy! Manipulative! Why risk being rejected, or failing? Besides, pressuring
people is wrong! That’s why I don’t get the numbers. Good people can’t guarantee
numbers, or they risk being bad people! Everyone knows that!
This is where the trouble starts—in the seminar, in sales, and in life.
WHAT GOES WRONG: THAT QUEASY, UNEASY FEELING
In the seminar, I assure people that oxygen masks will be dropping from the
ceiling. I tell them to secure their own mask first, and then help others. They laugh, but
tentatively.
For many of us, professionals and novices alike, “selling” brings up nightmarish
thoughts, or at least a subtle but pervasive dread. The only way around this is to tell the
truth about it. Before we can proceed with the seminar, we first have to surface all the
squirrelly little thoughts that people have about selling and those who do it, about
themselves as sellers, about their product or service, and about the people they will
contact. Otherwise, they will take all these fearful thoughts and queasy feelings with
them when they go out to sell.
I give them twenty minutes to write down all this negative mental chatter, and
then they call out all their answers while my assistant writes everything down on a huge
tablet in front of the room. Some fifty minutes and thirty pages later, we all sit exhausted,
staring at the tablet. As my assistant slowly turns back the thirty pages, we see phrases
like:
· Selling is a sleazy game, and only sleazy people play it.
· Who do they think they are? Don’t they know they’re taking food out of
my children’s mouths when they don’t buy?
· People will know I’m a weasel, and just out for the money.
· I’m not really that good a therapist, and people will find out if I put myself
out there.
· The vitamins I’m selling aren’t as good as we say they are. How can I
stand behind them?
· People are miserly jerks, so I’ll have to trick them into buying something
they don’t really want, and then they’ll hate me for it.
· I can’t take rejection.
· I try to be nice but they must see how pissed off and confused I am, so
sometimes I don’t even ask them if they want to buy.
· I’ll fail.
· I’ll succeed.
· I’ll feel like a fake, sound like a fake, and even if I’m not faking people
will think I am.
Much of what winds up on the tablet isn’t actually true, or even what people
really think—but the suffering they experience is real. These queasy, uneasy thoughts and
feelings are snaking around in their conscious or unconscious minds, creating havoc and
misery. Oddly, there is very little difference between the thoughts of top salespeople and
the thoughts of novices. The top producers have learned how to hide it better, to talk
about it more obliquely, and sometimes not to let it affect them as much, but I am always
amazed at what they carry around with them.
The first question I ask is, “How much of this is actually true?” People’s fears are
real, but most of them admit that the chances of these fears actually materializing are low.
Then I ask, “Can you see why selling sometimes seems hard, and why you don’t
always get the results you want or feel great about doing it?” They nod grimly, but at
some point as my assistant keeps turning back through those thirty pages of mind numbing
thoughts and fears, someone starts to snicker. The things that go on in our
minds are so wild, so abundant, so in conflict with one another, and sometimes so
ridiculous that eventually hysteria overtakes us and we can’t stop laughing.
After a break, we settle down and start to take apart what goes wrong. Why do we
get so crazy around sales?
WICKED OR WIMPY?
The conventional wisdom is that there are two kinds of people in sales. One group
gets great numbers, but will stop at nothing to get them. The other group has kind,
generous spirits, but they may or may not get results—and so may or may not have jobs,
businesses, and incomes.
Nobody wants to be part of either group, so we freeze. We become like deer in
headlights, staring into the bright light of our fears. We don’t want to be, or to seem to be,
like sleazy used car salesmen. We don’t want to impose on people, lose our dignity, or be
rejected. We are willing to forego clients and commissions, and even give up on the
dream of having our own businesses, rather than get into the sales game. Even seasoned
professionals who have sold billions of dollars of goods or services have these concerns.
They wonder if they can call up “the magic” again, and make it work just one more time.
THE “STOP” RESPONSE
Confronted with the choice between Wicked and Wimpy, many people simply
stop. They get so hopelessly embroiled in worries that they refuse even to try selling, and
take themselves out of the game completely. Others just stand immobile in the middle of
the field. They don’t pick up the phone. They close the file with the list of people to call,
if they’ve even brought themselves to make the list. They withdraw into themselves,
rather than risk that their fears may be true—even when they know logically that most of
those fears are ridiculous.
Of course, people who freeze in this way fail anyway. They don’t sell the widget,
get the clients, raise the money, or do the seminar they’ve always dreamed of doing. They
don’t build their businesses, make their quotas, get their projects off the ground, or share
their visions. They don’t grow or widen their worlds, make their contribution, or fatten
their pocketbooks.
Their product, service or vision never sees the light of day, and all the people who
might have benefited from it never even get a crack at it. They withhold from people the
contribution they might have made, and miss out on financial success, relationships, and
experiences that might empower, expand, and enhance their lives.
That’s what happens when we succumb to the “Stop” Response. But some people
can’t stop. It’s their job to sell. Others took on a commitment to produce a certain result,
or for some other reason feel they need to keep going, whether they like it or not. They
often fall prey to the “Stagger” Response.
THE “STAGGER” RESPONSE
These people stagger forward. They tell themselves and others that they’re “out
there selling,” but they don’t bring all of themselves to the task. They have one foot on
the accelerator and one foot on the brake. They have trouble picking up the phone when
there is anything else to do. They have very clean floors, alphabetized spice racks,
defragmented hard drives, living rooms full of needle pointed pillows, and garages full of
sorted and organized nails, nuts, and bolts—but they don’t have many sales. They often
feel frustrated, powerless, cranky, and out of control.
They trudge on—but in agony. Agony isn’t a good thing in the sales arena, and so
they don’t get terrific results. That makes them even more miserable. Unless they
discover some way to combine power and peace of mind, they find themselves with some
difficult choices. They can go Wicked, and feel awful about themselves. They can go
Wimpy, and probably fail. Or they can keep staggering, and succumb to the stress of
playing, and usually losing, a game in which they are only half engaged.
This is no way to live.
WHAT IF?
What if selling were no longer an exercise in avoidance, or in powering
over the discomfort? What if, instead, it were a chance to be the person you’ve
always wanted to be each day, and at the same time be a star and make fistfuls
of money by offering people a product or service you value?
What if you were so clear about the value of your product, service, project, or
vision that you loved talking about it, and spoke of it with confidence and joy? What if
you could just put your attention on contributing to the person with whom you were
speaking at the moment, and stop worrying about yourself or your results?
The Soul of Selling gives you these things and more. You begin to enjoy
picking up the phone to tell people about what you’re offering. You start to
think of yourself as the kind of person who can actually say, “I will have twenty
people in my seminar this week” and know that, without fail, you will have
twenty people. Or, “I will meet that $500,000 quota.” Or, “I will have three new
clients in the next two weeks.”
What if you had fun with selling?
THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU IF…
When some people hear the word “selling,” their blood runs more quickly. When
others hear “selling,” their blood runs cold. This book is for both groups. It is for
everyone who sells, invites, or in any way wants to call people to their product, service,
cause, event, project, or vision. Whether you are an experienced sales professional, or
recently nominated to get volunteers for the neighborhood association, you can
exponentially increase both your results and your enjoyment of the process.
This book is not about marketing. It won’t tell you how to define or reach your
audience. It won’t tell you how to write the world’s best flyer or get on “Oprah.” Nor is it
about figuring out people’s vulnerabilities so that you can box them into a corner, ask the
perfect questions, and either shame or dazzle them into buying what you’re selling.
This book is about talking to people face-to-face, or phone-to-phone—and
interacting with them in a respectful, empowering way that honors both them and you. It
is about the Fourfold Guarantee for Results, Integrity, Passion, and Ease. It is for people
who want to take charge of their relationship with selling—and enjoy all the financial,
socia l, emotional, and even spiritual fruits that come from selling big and being good.
USING THIS BOOK
This book guides you step-by-step through personalizing The Soul of Selling
approach for your specific situation. It is also a place you can come for inspiration and
regeneration.
Part 1, “The Soul of Selling: How and Why It Works,” gives you an overview of
the method, the six steps that make it so powerful, the benefits you’ll receive from using
it, and how to deal with the Discomfort Dilemma that is always present in sales.
Part 2, “Your 6 Steps: Making The Soul of Selling Your Own, ” is a detailed
description of the six steps, with exercises to help you tailor each one to your particular
situation and use it most effectively.
Part 3, “Taking Charge: Becoming the Source of Your Own Success,” contains
chapters on creating your Personal Sales Vision, giving and getting support, letting
selling shape you into the person you’ve always wanted to be, and creating a Synergy
Group of like- minded sellers.
I suggest you get a special notebook for the exercises in this book. You can make
a few notes in the lines provided, but then expand your answers in your Soul of Selling
notebook. The more you give to this process, the more powerfully it will work for you.
STEPPING OUT
Nobody succeeds in sales without becoming the source of their own success. This
method is about getting the ball in your court, and then letting it rip.
Nothing works unless you embrace it wholeheartedly and give it a chance to
succeed. Researchers are discovering this about diets. Fats, carbs, proteins. Everybody
has a different idea about how to combine them in order to lose weight. It turns out that
the type of diet doesn’t make much difference. What matters is how well people follow
whatever diet they choose.
I invite you to try this method for three months. If you use it rigorously, my guess
is that you’ll start to fall in love with selling, and with the results you’re getting.
Most people don’t believe that you can both sell big and be good until they see
how it’s done. That’s the subject of Chapter 2.
To buy the book, http://www.soulofselling.com/book.htm